Stop the world, I want off!!!!!

Ok, am I only one that is so completely out of the loop that things don't make any sense anymore? You have a person who has been let go from every job she has or had for had for saying something half a century a go, while a guy gets an award for saying the same word over a hundred time, and now a black girl who is suppose to be a "star witness" uses the word "cracka" several time and she say that that is NOT a racist word. Hate to break it to you folks and to her, it is. That came straight from the mouth of a colored man in Watts, which is in California for toughs not in the know. And now the DOD is allowing LGBT Pride parade in Kandahar Afghanistan. That's right you heard me, that place that you can't read the bible or even say that you are a Christian, you can prance around in you sparkly thong. Now before I get a ton of hate mail, I have no bone to pick with anyone who is LGBT, I don't. Hey rock out with your Spock out, I DON'T CARE. GET IT, GOT IT GOOD!!! The issue I have is with the DOD and this administration and ALL those pansy ass idiots who thing that we owe them something for now doing anything.
When did this country become a country a "give me" country". I've been on welfare, and it sucked, I've also been homeless, and that sucked even more. But I pulled up my big boy pants and didn't expect ANYONE to do any thing for me that I couldn't do for myself. We need to get back to the time when we where a proud nation and not a nation of cry babies who want everything for nothing.
But hey... WhatdoIknow

The Return of the Asshats (dun dun dun) (UPDATE)

(UPDATED)

    It seems that these asshats are pissing everyone off these days. As I stated below, earlier this month Texas A&M formed a human wall of maroon to block these jackasses from protesting at a soliders funeral. Now, over the weekend it appears that the where just south of Seattle, Wa. at the combined base Lewis-McCord, (or if you will, Ft. Lewis and McCord AFB). Now why they were there is unclear but show up they did, well 6 of the cowards anyway, and it appears that even zomibes don't want them around. The zombies as well as the cops outnumbered them 100 to 1. Now I'm not sure if the zomibes chanted, "BRAINS, BRAINS" (read that in a zombie voice, it's better) or not but if they did or even were going to eat their brains, I think that the poor zombies would have starved to death, oh wait they are already dead, but you get the jist. Now as you may or may not know, I am all about a good zombie hunt, but it this case I think I am more than willing to give these flesh eaters a pass for doing what they did to these souless, heartless morons.  

     Greeting and slobbers all you monkeittes, it seems that your favorite Monkey was a tad remiss the last two post and did not welcome our newest follower, Angela. I am very sorry for that oversight and shall flog myself with a wet banana peel for it. Seems we are growing by leaps and bounds, albeit baby leaps and bounds, it’s growing just the same.


     SO, it seems that we have the return of those moronic asshats from that one church that protests at the services of the men and women that paid the ultimate price for this country. And it appears that they are winning the hearts and minds and getting many many friends along the way, just ask the students of Texas A&M, where earlier this month they formed a human wall to block these jackasses who were at yet another soldiers funereal. A very big HOO AHH to those students. Now these same said ass clowns are protesting the victims of the shooting in Colorado. Is it just me or does anyone else think that this church should just fall on these people? Or, here’s a better one, when one of them dies, especially their so called leader, people, more over the families of those that had these dip shits protesting their loved ones, outside one of their funerals with sing that read “YEA, YOUR DEAD”, “HOW’S HELL”, “DON’T THINK YOU’LL BE GETTING ICE WATER ANYTIME SOON”, or some such. Oh the poetic irony, but of course they would probably sue everyone that did that, cause it’s ok to trample on the rights of others, especially those that fight for the right to let these so called people do what they do, but oh no you better not do the same thing to them, cause if you do then you’re in the wrong and there will be a judge that will tell you that AND fine and/or jail you for it. Well I for one will be there when that happens with a bull horn and fireworks. Now I know what some of you are saying, “Now Monkey, you don’t really want the church to fall on these people and kill them do you?” Well, no. I don’t believe in violence for violence sake, I just think that since they call themselves a church and have the protection of the government and all the tax breaks that go along with it, that it would be funnier then hell if God in his great sense of humor decided that he had had enough of these people and brought the church down so to speak. What? You don’t think that God has a sense of humor? Come on, look at a platypus. You can’t tell me he didn’t create that to mess with Darwin.

     And there is even more stupidity afoot, I mean other then these “churchgoing” asshats. Now we have all heard about the devastating shooting that happened in Colorado, and if you haven’t you really need to get out from under your rock. It now appears that some people who may or may not have been in the theater at the time of the shooting, are suing Warner Brothers for making the new Batman movie. That’s right dear readers; I said that Warner’s is being sued for MAKING the Batman movie. Really?????? Suing a movie studio for making a movie would be like suing McDonalds for making hot coffee and than putting it in your lap. Oh wait, that all ready happened. Where in God’s name do these people come from? Are they so hard up for money or attention that they just HAVE to tie up the courts with stupid law suits? But unlike the coffee law suit I can easily see that there will be a judge that will allow the suit AND the people that are bringing the suit will win, all because some bleeding heart judge will agree that the movie is violent and there for to be deemed inappropriate for anyone and that will force the studios to stop making any sort of action movie and only make kids movies or it may bring back the musicals of old, like Singing in the Rain or West Side Story, oh wait you can’t do the latter because it has simulated violence. OK, so they will bring back the Ethel Mermen musicals. Movies are made for one thing and one thing only, mindless entertainment as my friend Dion is so fond of saying and he’s right. Where else can one go to get away from ones troubles and worries for 2 to 3 hours. Movies have been and will continue to be a great escape for people and bringing a law suit saying it was the movies fault as well as the studios fault for making the movie is a big load of road apples. If you don’t want to see the movie or spend your money at someplace, then don’t. It was your choice to go there or where ever, say Chik-fil-A, which is awesome by the way, then don’t go. It is that fracking simple. But people now days seem to think that it’s all about them and that everyone owes them everything. Ronald Regan once said… Aw hell why don’t I let the Gipper tell you what he said?


But Hey…WhatdoIknow!!!!!

What in the world is a Walla Walla?

    Good evening all you faithful followers of the Monkey and you not so faithful and you people who are just dropping by to see what wonderful and exciting news I have to bring you from this big blue marble we here like to call… Earth!


    Dateline Walla Walla: It seems that the quaint little town in the South Eastern part of Washington State has been all over the news, Facebook and You Tube of late, and it has nothing to do with its onions, which are delicious by the way, so go to your favorite Supermarket and ask for them today.

    It seems that the reason that Walla Walla has been in the news is due to a shooting. Now I know that shootings are not a new thing, but it’s the outcome of said shooting that seems to making all the hoopla. It seems that a young man broke into a local store, a store that has been a part of the community for a very long time and a store that everyone who lives in that town knows its owner not only works there but lives there as well. It would seem that one of the cities fine upstanding citizens (read: gang member with a long arrest record) wanted to shop at this store, the only problem was that it was about two thirty in the AM, that’s right gentle readers, it was 2:30am and the owner, who is elder, and his wife were sleeping when the owner heard glass breaking. Now NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE but the two people who where there actually knows what happened for sure. But that has not stopped a select part of the community, that part that has gang affiliations and possibly is here illegally.

    It was this crowd that has been calling for the arrest of the man who shot and killed the individual that broke into, not only the man’s business, but his home, where his wife was, they want this elderly man to go to jail for defending what was his. The rumors circulate around this like flies around a dung heap. One such rumor is that the reason this upstanding gentleman broke into the store is because he needed money for shoes, money that his mother had refused to give him. The very same mother who has said that this person who was an admitted gang member, was a good boy and he didn’t do anything wrong.

    This has clearly divided the once sleepy hamlet of Walla Walla. Reading the Facebook pages for the two side’s one would think that they were running for political office. The mudslinging and name calling makes it seems like Obama and Romney are in town. Clearly, this is a no win situation and there are losers on all sides and ones heart can go out to both families. One family lost a son, brother and friend, the other family has lost a husband, father and friend and while one will never have to worry again, the other will have to life with what happened that night for the rest of his life. People are calling for justice for the dead young man, 20 or 30 years ago people would have said that the man that broke into the store got justice. But not anymore, now if you commit an illegal act, it is you that have all the rights, not the one you stole from, killed, raped or anything else that you can do to someone, the victim will continue to be a victim even if they were to win in court.  

But Hey…WhatdoIknow!!!!!

HEY MR. PRESIDENT, LET’S JUST FREE THEM ALL!!!!!!!

    Happy Birthday America, you’re 236 years young. In the grand scheme of things you are but a teenager, so grab a Hot Dog, and pull up a piece of manicured lawn that was cut by people who have every right to be here as a tape worm has the right to hang outta dogs ass. Because it seems that in the next few years you will not be able to recognize this once great nation of ours. And for those of you that have been hiding under a rock for the past several weeks and are asking what I mean, well, that’s easy. It seems that our Great Leader, President Hopenchange, has given what amounts to amnesty to 800,000 illegal immigrants.


    Why would he do this now and say not last year or the year before? Boy, you have been under a rock. It’s an election year, and before any of my followers say that I’m again coming down on the Imam Obama and they would be right, in this instance. Why, because this is something that REALLY annoys the Monkey. Why doesn’t he just open all the jails and prisons in the country and let out the criminals, it’s the same damn thing. Ok, I hear you over there, saying that “It’s just students that he’s doing this for!” Well let me say this one more time for those in the cheap seats. If someone comes here the right and legal way then I will be the first with my hand out to them and asking what it is this country can do for them. If they are a doctor, architect or some other technical profession then they should NOT cutting our lawns. Help them get the up to speed for what they need to do for doing that job here, hell we send our kids to medical school in the Caribbean, (anyone remember Granada? I sure as hell do) These “Doctors” come back with about as much understanding on how to be a doctor as a dog knows how to be a cat.

    Does our system desperately need to be over hauled? You bet you squeaky little ass it does, but to just tell people, “Oh, you broke our laws, but that’s ok, we forgive you and the fact that you are taking up places in schools and hospitals, but don’t worry, you can stay!” Now here’s the ironic part of all this folks, IF the roles were reversed and it was us that was in their country, we would have no rights and we would be in prison for a long time before we were allowed to come back to America. And if we stole someone identification you could just kiss your gringo ass good bye, seen it, with my own two Monkey eyes so anyone that says that I don’t know what I’m talking about can feel free to take a very long walk off a very short pier, cause as the saying goes, “Been there, Got the Tee Shirt.”

    And another thing that the “All Mighty One” seems to have forgotten. Just where the hell is the money going to come from? We can’t even get our Vets into schools because everyone is crying that the tuitions are way too high, and these are men and women that not only deserve to be in school but have the right, before just about anyone to be there. Yet there is little to no money for the ones that have gave everything for this country which is celebrating its birthday today, but we can find the money for those that are nothing more than criminals, people who snub their noses at our laws and traditions and protest about how unfair it is to live here. The ones who are the share holders in the gang and drug activity in this once great nation. The ones who fly their countries flag before ours, (which is illegal. Oh wait, silly me, they’re criminals so why should they do ANYTHING according to our laws, except call the police if their rights are even looked at wrong. Silly, silly monkey).

    So, I have a suggestion for you, Mr. President. Since you seem to have nothing but contempt for this great country and you seem to mock those that have served, then just open all the jails and prisons in the country and show the people of America just how you really feel.



But Hey…WhatdoIknow!!!!!!

WELL, IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN!

A really big Happy New Year to all my faithful followers and I would like to welcome, Janel, Thomas and Nick to the fold, looking forward to hearing from you.


Well, it seems that 2011 was a pretty weird year to say the least. We had really bad weather that made people cry “It’s the end of the world as we know it.” Hey that should be made into a song and then it could be the 2012 anthem. Damn, I’m good. 2011 saw the end of the war in Iraq, we’ll be back, just watch. The Bush haters are still hating and the Obama lovers are loving him even more, and Rodney King once said “Can’t we all just get along?” now this coming from a criminal who ran from the Popo, the Five-0, the fuzz, can’t really be counted on for much of anything, but the words do ring true in a lot of areas. No one political system is perfect, on one President is perfect, they all inherited shit from all those that came before him, so all you haters and lovers, get the hell off your high horse and just work at making the system a better place for you and me but most of all for your kids.

2011 also saw the end of two of the most hated people in the world. You know I can just see old Uncle Sam sitting at his desk with his feet up looking at his list of names. There you see Saddam’s name with a check mark, you see Bin Laden’s name and he puts a check mark and you see Kim Jong Il’s name and he puts a check mark, and then says “NEXT”. Gotta love ole` Uncle Sam. Now what I find funny is that Obama took credit for killing Bin Laden, I’m just waiting for him to take the credit of ole` crazy Kim. But I guess they did meet the big red guy under his watch just as Saddam met him under Bush’s, but really does it really matter, cause they themselves did not pull the trigger, now that would be something wouldn’t it? Have a Captain Kirk in the White House. “I’m sorry Vice President Spock, but I’m not… going to…just… sit here in the White House… while those Klingon, I mean Taliban bastards run amuck.” Then we’d have a President with some huevos.

We also saw the passing of the great and the not so great, we saw celebrities still being treated like their fecal matter doesn’t omit odor, we saw gas price just about kill or wallets and somewhere in the far distant future someone will write of this time that, “It was the best of time, it was the worst of times.”



But Hey… WhatdoIknow!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVEYONE.

Happy Holidays… BAH HUMBUG!!!!!!!!!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS faithful followers of the Monkey and to those who just drop by for a peek behind the curtains. And yes, I did say Merry Christmas. If you want the politically correct version I suggest you look elsewhere, cause it’s sure not here and will never be here. I mean really, what has all this politically correct nonsense gotten us anyways but whiney cry babies that want to sue you for something they themselves have done. Because they got their widdle feewings hurt. Now before some of you get your new panties that you got for Christmas in a wad, and you know who you are, I am NOT saying that one should not think before one opens that pie hole under their noses, because they should, because speaking before one thinks is a form of bullying, but that’s another subject all together, so stand by. That being said, let’s get back in task shall we?


For those that have followed the Monkey, you know that I am a monkey of the world. I have been places and seen things that would amaze and delight you as well as straighten your short and curlys. And in all my travels, America is the only place where our so called “Law Makers” have to argue over what to say during this supposed happy time of the year. Do we really need a law on the books telling us what we should or shouldn’t say during the holidays?

Now, we have all heard the stories about someone who has a Jewish friend who greets them with Merry Christmas and not Happy Chanukah or Happy Holidays or anything of that sort. Well, I got one better. As you may or may not know, I severed proudly in this country’s military and I have been all over the world. And it was during one of these sojourns that I found myself in the Middle East, not my first time mind you, but my first time during a war. I was in this quaint little place called Saudi Arabia for a little thing called the Gulf War. Now I did my damnedest to TRY to speak the language, as I always do when I am in someone else’s country, I mean it’s the polite thing and they get a kick out of watch you make a fool out of yourself trying to speak it. But back on point. Here I am, your humble monkey, who is a God fearing Christian in a Muslim world and those that chose to speak to me during the holiday season when I was so far from home, greeted me with a simple Merry Christmas. Here where individuals that most likely had as much understanding of God as I did Allah, but yet still found it in their hearts to greet me in a way that made me feel that old Christmas spirit.

So why is it that someone that really doesn’t understand the meaning of what was said say it and not think twice about it, yet here in our own country do we need to be told that it is OK to say Merry Christmas? I mean are we that far gone and that stupid that we have to be led to the trough and told what we can say and how we are to say it? Really????? I think that the next time someone says “Happy Holidays” to you that you should hit’em with your cane and give them a loud… BAH HUMBUG TO YOUR HAPPY HOLIDAY, IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

But Hey…WhatdoIknow!!!!!!

OCCUPY BHWDIK!!!!!!!!

First off I want to wish everyone, especially all my followers a very Merry Christmas and an even better New Year. I hope you all get what you want and for my followers, you have my undying gratitude, thank you for being here, because without you, I would just be a voice in the wilderness.


Ok, so for those that have followed me, the Great and Powerful Monkey, you will know that I am all about the freedoms that we have here in this great country of ours. But there does come a time when it gets a bit to redonkuless. And yes I am speaking about the ass hats that are in each major city, it seems. Now I, like 99.999999999999999999999999% of the people out there feel the pinch of the economy and I have had to tighten my belt even more, which is really difficult this time of year, (Mmmmmmmm, fudge), and we all know what the price of gas is doing. So who am I to complain if people want to express their rightful indignation at the Wall Street and the Government who seems to want more and more of our freedoms and wants you to pay for it AND for all the illegal’s in the country. No gentle reader I am not bemoaning those people who have a reason to bitch, those that work hard trying to put food on the table for their families, or trying to keep the lights on or even a roof over their heads. Those people who take a few hours out of their day, before and after work, to stand up for what they believe in. I am speaking to and of the multitude of ass hats that make a bad situation worse. Those who don’t have a job and think that it is our fault that they don’t and want us to support them. Well I have news for them, they can take a very long walk off a very short pier. I can barely support myself and my little monkeys and Mrs. Monkey, and they want me to support them as well? No fracking way!!!!! I’ll tell them the same thing that I tell my oldest, you want money, work for it. But oh no, not these ass clowns. They would rather sit on there well feed asses and do nothing but destroy someone else’s property, pick fights with the police and then go on national television and say that they did nothing wrong that it’s everyone else’s fault and see how badly they are treated. Well, I’m tell you this for nothing, you push, hit, take a swing at, spit at, kick, throw something at a cop you deserve to get your ass pepper sprayed and hauled off to jail. Concerned citizens want to know who’s going to pay for all the overtime that is being generated by the police departments and the waste management companies, well here’s the check Mr. and Mrs. America, it’s you that will have to pay for these spoiled children who seem more interested in watching TV and playing video games. Me, personally, I think that they should be made to pay for what they have wrought, hold them accountable for the mess that they have made. And therein lays the rub ladies and gentlemen, no one wants to be the one to deal with telling these two year olds that there are consequences to ones actions and that they have a pretty huge ass bill to pay for this “party” of theirs.



But hey…WhatdoIknow!!!